So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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