I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In America we eat man semen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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