she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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