nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize