I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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