3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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