Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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