I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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