hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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