Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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