Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize