i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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