bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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