i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize