By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize