last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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