Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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