it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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