I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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