we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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