I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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