I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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