After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
NoShamevember. You game?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize