bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize