I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize