He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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