were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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