We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize