i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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