Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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