Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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