Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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