I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Congratulations! We have a period
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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