You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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