you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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