FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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