If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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