when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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