please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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