I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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