The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize