I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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