Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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