i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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