The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
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I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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