someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize