I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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