youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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