yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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