Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize